Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
