There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
