It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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