So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
