i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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