I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
high people should be assigned attendants
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
