new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
