cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
