bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
