I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
