do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
