VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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