All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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