i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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