I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
