Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
