you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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