I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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