Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
