He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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