well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
