i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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