it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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