ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
