It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
