My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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