You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
