Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So squirting runs in the family.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
