Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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