i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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