Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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