Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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