he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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