i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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