so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
