i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
