i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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