Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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