Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
