2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My life is pants optional.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
