i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
