Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
