i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
