dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
