all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
