I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Couch. On fire.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
