my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
