then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
