Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
