u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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